개미도시ㅣ공간에디터's post

Just jotting down my memories. I was doing my own thing to try and resist watching dramas, but... a family of six living in a 23-pyeong apartment... since I'm not allowed any space to myself... even though I don't want to see or hear it, it still hits me, so I naturally ended up sitting in front of the TV watching 'The Cook Becomes Legend' lol. Today's episode. Watching a video where I picked up a knife again and started finding my old self because of that nostalgic taste (Grandma's cooking), I realized that food... for me... was more about survival than taste. I ate simply to avoid starving, and that is why I had to eat as much as possible whenever I could. Perhaps because I felt grateful just to be able to eat rather than finding joy in the food itself, I found it even harder to understand people who say they find happiness in food, and those who leave food behind because it doesn't taste good. If my children and husband left food behind, I felt at ease only after seeing the empty plates, even if I had to eat it myself. As a result of trying to protect that sense of comfort and sanctuary—a feeling that I had committed less of some unknown sin—my body continues to accumulate fat and toxins, haha. Thanks to my past time and experiences, I haven't yet found the joy of eating. I couldn't do it before, but it wasn't until I reached middle age that I realized I needed to eat good food and the right amount for my own well-being. Starting at 64kg in the autumn of October 2024, I began dieting and exercising for my health, feeling it was necessary for survival in the rest of my life! Now in June 2026, I am 47kg, with 18.6kg of skeletal muscle and 11.3kg of body fat. As I write this, it is a working mom's holiday evening. After sleeping in a bit, waking up, spending 5 hours cleaning and organizing, washing up and getting a massage, doing 2 hours and 30 minutes of exercise for my diet, eating dinner, doing the dishes and tidying up, organizing my online space, and then watching a drama while devouring 3 cans of beer in a flash with dried pollack and barracuda lol. For a fast diet, I shouldn't be drinking or eating late... But I... am trying to do a diet that I can stick to consistently for a long time. Even if it is slow and takes a while, I am trying to find a balance by doing the things I enjoy. Watching a drama about the joy of eating—something I used to think was nothing special—and recalling the most memorable food from my past, I feel a little tipsy, and it also makes me feel good as I think of my mom's cooking. Holiday! An inexplicable sense of unease. Fighting against the feeling that I must live busier to navigate this world, I look after and tend to the space where my family and I stay, And, looking back on today, which I cared for and nurtured for myself for the sake of tomorrow, I record today, telling myself, "I got through this well..." "I got through the past well too..." "So I will be able to get through tomorrow well too..." Oh, right! I don't really know the taste of alcohol yet, but I'm drinking because I'm in a good mood^^:: . . . #WorkingMomHoliday #TodaysRecord #CornSoupRecord #HouseholdLife #TodayWithAnxiousHearts #TodayIOvercameWell #AntCity #AntCityLife